Personal Narrative - Notaro

The intro was catching.  It made me want to read more and wonder what it was that made no one want to take Pop Pop to the grocery store.

This writer is writing specifically about her experience taking Pop Pop to the grocery store.  The only time she adds in any extra detail is at the beginning, telling us about her grandfather’s cancer, which has left him on some heavy pain medicine that makes him loopy, and doesn’t allow him to drive.

I could visualize there trip to the store when he saw the bakery products sitting out behind by the loading dock.  She really pulled me and I could picture her grandfather throwing all kinds of stuff into a small backseat.  After that I was able to picture the truck backing up towards them because I could “hear” them talking in my head while reading.

She uses dialogue throughout, and its lets me get a sense of the characters personalities.  Her grandfather wants nothing more than to be able to get out of the house and do things freely on his own.  And her grandmother is typical in the sense that she finds everything imaginable to pick a fight about.  All of this was gathered in my head because of the dialogue used.

I wasn’t really able to relate in any way to this article, but I was however able to connect because she did such a good job of describing the event that took place.

She is describing a certain memory that she is able to look back on that will always remind her of her grandfather’s sense of humor.  I think in this way she was able to show the significance of this event to her memory.

Her conclusion reinforces her story because it leads back to the fact that she has acknowledged the fact that Nana is going to be very upset about the fact that Pop Pop brought back a bunch of unneeded objects.

Personal Narrative - White

The intro caught my attention.  He gave a couple details about how the trip went wrong which got me interested because it didn’t go into detail about how they actually happened.  I could tell by the first paragraph that the essay was going to take me on an adventure through his old camp ground memories.

Yes, he sticks to his memories about camping with his father only how he is doing it with his own son.  It is heartwarming to see how the things they are doing is an exact replica of what he used to do with his father, just now the roles are reversed.

He did a great job of using sensory details.  Throughout the whole essay I was able to picture myself at the camp ground.   He used a great amount of similes to help describe things.  Overall, it put me in the moment.

There wasn’t any dialogue, however I didn’t feel it was lacking it.  I was still able to get a sense of his and the boys attitudes without it.

I was able to connect and relate, because I too have had those special moments with mom/dad that stay in the back of my memory that I only hope one day to share with my kids.

It shows how what he did as a kid is still enjoyable to him and is able to bring back endless memories.  Now he is able to share this with his child and is able to catch a different perspective of life.

Throughout the whole essay he talks about how sometimes he can’t distinguish the line in his mind of whether what is going on is him in his memory or his son.  In the conclusion the last statement was very bold because he talks about in that very moment when his son is buckling his belt he literally felt like he was in that moment.  He could actually feel the wetness of his son’s suit.  I thought that alone summed up the whole essay.

Personal Narrative - Sedaris

The intro caught my attention just because of the first sentence alone. I can’t really tell from the first paragraph that the whole essay is going to be about French class, but I do get a sense that it is something about French because he talks about his French book.

Over all everything in the essay is focused around his French class in Paris.  He gave a little background about how he moved to Paris in hopes of fully learning the language.  Other than that all the events focused around this class.

I can visualize from the dialogue and descriptions that the teacher was very stubborn, almost in a sarcastic way.  I could picture the dialogue coming out of her mouth in a class setting.

There was dialogue in the essay and yes it did a great job of describing the teacher’s personality.  It showed that she disregarded anyone who didn’t know exactly what was going on in the class.

When I read this essay I could relate because it made me think of a teacher I had in high school that was sort of the same way.  He was not mean but he made everyone scared to ask questions simply because he would be little us for not knowing the answer and make us feel dumb.

In the ending he talks about one day he realized he could understand everything that everyone was saying and that is when he finally realized that he was catching on.  At that point he just sat back and took the teacher with a grain of salt.  What she said no longer offended him.

He concluded his essay stating that understanding doesn’t mean that you can suddenly speak the language, but it is a step in the right direction and that was all he needed.

Blog #7 Sentence Variety

Sam drove to the shoe store where she purchased a pair of boots and a shoestring kit.  When she was done, she went to the food court and ordered a burrito with peppers and onions on top.  Over at the pretzel stand Sam saw a cute boy, when he looked at her she blushed.  He proceeded to walk over to her and she said hi.  As she did so, the boy wrinkled up his nose. Sam said hi again and the boy gagged and walked away.  Sam was shocked.  After, she realized she had bad breath, so she ran to the bathroom and began to cry.  As she calmed down, Sam put on her new boots, shined them, and walked out with confidence.  Sam found the boy and informed him he needed manners.  With her new boots she kicked him, and the boy fell to the ground.  After she did so, Sam walked away and left the mall.

Blog #6 Mechanics

In my writing I tend to add in extra words that are not needed.  Principle #17 talks about omitting needless words.  It says that a sentence should contain NO unnecessary words, and a paragraph should contain NO unnecessary sentences.  I believe my problem is adding extra words in sentences to try and describe things, when in reality if I would omit those words then the sentence would have greater impact, and less fluff.  I also though #14, use the active voice, went along with this.  It pointed out that when sentences are made stronger they are often shorter.  This was good advice for me to keep in mind that kind of stuck out in my head.

My strongest principle talked about is probably #20, keep related words together. I can usually tell when my sentences are repetitive or choppy.  I have found that reading what I have written down out loud rather than just in my head helps me pick out the choppy parts and parts that don’t flow together smoothly.

Blog #5 "Summary Revision Checklist"

1. What is the thesis statement? Is it an accurate reflection of the author’s thesis

statement? Is it stated in your own words? How could you refine it to be more clear

and concise?  

In the article “College Pressures” by William Zinsser, Zinsser talks about four specific pressures he typically sees college students facing.  These pressures are as follow; economic, parental, peer, and self pressure. Yes this is an accurate reflection of the author's thesis and it is stated in my own words.

2. How is the essay introduced? Do you mention the article’s title, author, purpose and

audience? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and accurately reflect what is

discussed therein? Could it be improved?

My essay is introduced with an introductory sentence and then I state the artical's title, author, purpose, and audience all in the first paragraph.

3. What are the main points of the summary? How do you recognize them? Do you

leave out minor points and repetitive points for emphasis? Most importantly, do you

leave out your own opinion, feelings or conclusions on the subject of the article?

The main points of the essay are the four types of pressure (economic, peer, parental, and self).  I recognized each of them in a different paragraph except for peer and self I did in the same paragraph.  I left out my own opinion and made sure I focused on what Zinsser was trying to get through in his essay.

4. How is the essay organized? Does it follow the organization of the original article?

What transitions do you use? Think of some additional possibilities for more logical

organization.

For the most part the essay follows the same pattern as the article itself.  I transistioned from paragraph to paragraph by leading into each different type of pressure.

5. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic and

focus of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in

the conclusion? How is that effective or not?

Yes the thesis accuratly reflects the topic and focus of the essay.  I restated the introduction in the conclusion, using different words.  I believe it is affective because I tried to include quotes from the originally essay to prove points.

6. Make sure to fix any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors.

7. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly

wordy, awkward, or confusing sentences? Does the essay strive to use active, direct,

present tense verbs?

Yes I believe it is interesting and flows well.  I did have to go back and try to change some words becuase I realized I started alot of the sentences with the same words.

8. Were the textual passages (quotes and paraphrases) well-chosen? Remember you

should try avoiding direct quotations when writing a summary.

I tried to chose quotes that made a point.

9. Is the essay written in third-person? Are all instances of first- and second-person

removed from the piece?

Yes the essay is written in third-person.

10. Is the draft two to three (2-3) pages typed, double-spaced? Are all the margins oneinch

(1”)?
Yes